When I moved in to the campus in February, I had three goals in mind – one was to make the most out of my course academically, the other was to make the most out of this campus within three months because I’d be graduating in June. The third one, I’d best not delve into.
The month of May has begun, and I’ve had quite a lot of experiences in this campus, some that I wish to forget but won’t, and some that I will cling to as memories when I’m in my 50’s, sitting on my recliner, reading some sophisticated novel, and acting like a cool uncle.
The problem with me is that ever since my tryst with mental issues back in 2015, I seem to have gotten pensive (studying literature didn’t help my case either, you are supposed to critically analyze things all the fucking time – you don’t get to be a dumbfuck and just experience things with no subtext, context, or pre-text)
So, all the fun I keep experiencing on this campus, I am always either zoned out enough to be half-present in the situation, or entirely zoned out throughout the entirety of the experience.
When mulling over this problem of mine, I came across this idea of ‘mindfulness’ – to practice mindfulness is to be fully present in the moment, pre-pubescent Victor would’ve read this and not even been able to fathom why someone would have to practice doing something so natural.
Frankly, I am skeptical about things like this – ‘mindfulness’ sounds like some crap that a White guy practicing yoga would sell to you.
But regardless, I have this problem of not being able to be fully present in any moment – happy or sad, and as a result when I look back at things, I can’t remember details, and not being able to remember details, eliminates major chunks from the stories you’ve formed in your mind to create memories – there’s no subtext, or weird quirks, or funny observations that I remember about things, all I have with me related to these moments are a canonic feeling of being ‘happy’ (pretty shameful for a literature graduate to simplify things like this, isn’t it?)
So, starting from now, and with whatever little time I get within this overstuffed semester, whenever I go to visit places within the campus, or have any memories that I think will remain with me.
I’ll write them on this blog, as soon as I am back to my room. This exercise will help me post things on this blog, will give you some idea about how awesome this campus is, and three – will help me practice trying to be fully present in any given moment – (wait, I am basically talking about practicing mindfulness).